August 2009
1 post
Running Snafu(s)
I admit that my activity on both blogs (that’s right, I don’t have one but TWO blogs to broadcast my nerdy thoughts) has been virtually non-existent. I blame the colossal research project I’ve been buried in for the past two months. Thankfully, it is due this Friday, which means I’ll be done very soon and no longer feel the guilt associated with writing here rather than...
July 2009
1 post
Plea from a Nursing Home Cat
I wrote this little cat-monologue for my Second City Comedy Writing Class … Listen, before I’m forced to crawl into that cage I have to present my case. Let me start out by saying I didn’t do it. I am completely prepared for you not to believe me on this one, at least not right away. Besides, I’m a frustrated feline with beautifully maintained claws and fangs. I’ve...
June 2009
20 posts
From food day to robots
Rick: You don't know who brought what to the food day, do you? I'd like to try some of it, but I never eat food day food unless I trust the person who brought the food.
Kristi: I have no idea who brought the fruit pizza, or the rice krispie treats … I'd reckon' the bagged chips are OK to eat safely without knowing who brought them, but you never know with processed food. I mean, who exactly packages that stuff? Robots? I don't trust robots.
Rick: I always thought most of the robots on the Jetsons seemed pretty friendly, but don't know if any of them worked in the potato chip industry. Wouldn't that be funny though? If an employee wasn't paying attention, one of his or her co-workers could remove their micro-chip and replace it with a potato chip, and they could all get a good laugh as that particular robot goes into some sort of epileptic-type fit. And when the other robots get home that day, they could tell their robot spouses about what they did and end the conversation with something like "I was laughing so hard I almost oiled myself!" Maybe I'll try some of the chips…and I know that KT brought that fruit and dip stuff, so I may try that. I've been to her house…it's pretty clean.
Kristi: I'm trying to keep my laughter minimal … I don’t want the guy who sits across from me to know how much I hate robots. The truth is, I think he's a robot.
Rick: Here are some questions you could ask him to see if he is a robot. Ask quickly and see how he immediately responds. It's best if you catch him off-guard: Can you please hold this big magnet for me for a second? Gawd it's so claustrophobic in here. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in a tin can ... you? Who's your favorite Wizard of Oz character? I like them all, but the TIN MAN really stands out, don't you think? What's that smell? Is someone wearing WD-40?
Kristi: Yes, these all seem to be very reasonable and common questions for a Friday morning. I'll do exactly as you've directed here and keep you posted on the results. It might get ugly, though … what do I do if steam starts coming out of his ears?
Rick: Throw some sort of liquid on him. It will make his joints rust. Don't know how long it takes though. He may have your head pulled off already by the time he starts to tighten up.
Kristi: I just laughed out loud and his turned his head completely around (exorcist style) and glared at me … I'm scared!
Jelly Belly Tike Rap
Once i was a tike Around three or four. My mama took me ova to the candy store. “What do you want?” She said to me. “I want somethin’ chocolate” I responded with glee. “What about these jelly beans?” She said lookin’ real smart That’s when my stupid blood pressure Went off the stupid charts. “You know I hate them things!” I belted...
Anne Shirley's philosophy uncovered →
I’m not sharing this to appear pathetic or whiny regarding my personal dating scene (particularly the dating scene in Bloomington, yuck) but this particular blog post put my own thoughts and feelings on the matter more eloquently than I ever could. I’d argue there is a lot of truth to this.
a new-found appreciation for Twitter.
It’s official: I no longer find Twitter to be a waste of interweb-space. I quote from one of my blog entries in April: “Twitter? What purpose does it serve? One-liners describing pointless moments of one’s mundane existence? Hours of boredom punctuated by moments of clarity via text?”
Now I can confidently say I disagree with myself. My initial issue was this: what could I...
“I suppose my alleged blog should have a theme of some sort. Besides, who wants...”
– The Editor
The bubble-tea incident
I gently slurp the frothy strawberry slush with a lanky pipe. A saporous delight, my taste buds rejoice. But then, slowly, marble-sized beads- vesicles of honey and gelatin, travel slyly up the tube and into my mouth. Chewy egg sacks on my tongue. I gag… and throw the repulsive sludge in the small vendor’s face. In a vicious rage I bolt out the door and exclaim: “Next...
Watch your back ... Karma's a nut
I’m rather afraid to inform anyone of this, but … to be honest … things have been going splendidly in my world lately.
I’m enjoying this lucky-streak thoroughly, but I woke up mildly concerned this morning. Why am I so lucky? Is it karma? I mean, I haven’t necessarily been “good” but I haven’t really been “bad” either. To be honest,...
Procrastination across the nation ...
Still in the office with lots to do. Have to run tonight. Have school stuff to do. Never-ending responsibilities. The task list never runs dry. That’s what I get for going to Mexico and Portugal within a 2 month period.
I just have to note something … and it’s going to be near impossible to articulate it in words, but I’ll give it a shot:
Have you ever seen a picture...
I'm not a hater, BUT ...
I hate:
1. Top sheets. I seriously hate them. I kick them off within 5 minutes of snuggling up in my bed. What a pointless waste of fabric.
2. Dieting. I’m not going to pretend I love that cucumber over a potato chip. I might say I do, but don’t believe me. It’s a damned lie. This is why I don’t diet and run instead. At least with running I can pretend to be...
Endings gone bad
On the plane home from Mexico yesterday I finished Chuck Palahniuk’s Survivor.
I attempted this book last summer but lost interest quickly after reading the second chapter. Essentially, within a whopping ten pages, the protagonist described a plethora of ways to get stains out of various fabrics and other porous materials. I felt like I should be taking notes and prepping for an exam....
RT @badbanana China has blocked Twitter. Now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I’m having for lunch. - hilarious
My inner hippie
I used to listen to Dave Matthews Band. A lot.
Nowadays I think all of this songs sound relatively the same. BUT … in light of the release of their latest album (today, actually … well I’ve got three minutes before today is tomorrow) … I thought I’d share one of my favorite DMB songs. This song especially hits home for me … jabs me right in that central...
The seven moods of Bruce.
1. Lethargic
2. Curious
3. Needy
4. Peevish
5. Snuggly
6. Groggy
7. Giddy
is running, not because of the alleged running day via twitter. I’m running bc my buttock will grow like the mighty oak if I don’t.
“When life gives you lemons, go to Meijer and peruse the produce. Find the...”
– Me.
“without change something sleeps inside us, which seldom awakens.”
is my neighbor seriously doing a workout video right now? I think I hear Denise Austin.
: we both have happy shiny fits of rage - I want more fans you want more stage.
Why does tinsel have such a distinct smell? I mean, it’s just plastic, right?
May 2009
19 posts
Her Space Holiday - Tech Romance = awesome
Food Day, food day. Who wanna food day?
Food days are prevalent in the corporate landscape. My five years working for a major organization has rendered the following conclusion: the cubicled masses will participate in anything that breaks the monotony of their daily desk jobs.
This includes corporately sponsored events such as book fairs, health fairs, career fairs, educational fairs, professional speakers and so-forth. It is no doubt...
Summer Tooth
Here are my summer goals, not in any particular order.
From June 1 - September 1, I shall reach the following goals:
Read 6 (non-school related) books. I already have three in the pipeline: Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk, Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes and Invisible Monster by Chuck Palahniuk
Run a 1/2 marathon in Chicago on August 2 (already registered)
Plan and successfully implement Wig...
This is how I plan to dance this weekend. →
“When you love somebody and bite your tongue … all you get is a mouth full...”
– Fruit Bats
The Beginning After The End
Oh the blood and the treasure …
And the losing it all.
The time that we wasted …
And the place where we fall.
Will we wake in the morning and know what it was for …
Up in our bedroom … after the war?
~ Stars
A playlist I'm proud of...
I made this mixed CD for my friend Rick’s B-day. I’m rather impressed with myself.
Out My Stereo- The Late Greats
Goods- Mates of State
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel
Olympic Airways - Foals
Paris 2004 - Peter Bjorn and John
Le Disko - Shiny Toy Guns
Moving to New York - The Wombats
A-Punk - Vampire Weekend
M79 - Vampire...
Ahhh...
I’m actually incredibly relieved at this point.
“You gonna be the last pork chop on the platter Friday night!”
– Barb
Mornings in Decatur
I woke up last Saturday morning in a king-sized bed with satin sheets and half a dozen pillows. At the foot of the bed a wall of windows framed a glassy, sparkling lake and an empty blue sky. I yawned and stretched lazily in the warm, golden light that illuminated through the enormous panes of glass. A charming golden retriever bumbled in through the door and jumped into the bed with me. I...
“Windjammer isn’t that bad if you don’t mind being around trashy...”
– Nathan
This song is fantastic.
Telekinesis - Coast of...
Talking about music is like dancing about...
I’ve been digging some new tunes lately (bolded my favs … but they’re all stellar).
Faunts - Feel.Love.Thinking.Of
Mt. St. Helens Vietnam - Albatross, Albatross, Albatross
Vox Jaguars - Swagger
Say Hi - Hallie and Henry
Harlem Shakes - Sunlight
The Morning Benders - Grain of Salt
Sweet Thing - Change of Seasons
Chad Van Gaalen - City of Electric Light
Jason Bajada - Sad...
““As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don’t know...”
– Wizard of OZ
“People don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you...”
– Linden Wood
Love it.
Hey, whaaa haaappened?
K: Did you get laid off!?!?!
R: No ... who told you such lies?
K: There's a story in the newspaper about a bunch of layoffs at your company. Glad to hear you're still gainfully employed.
R: I'm not going to get laid off. Shit. They got rid of a bunch of old timers and general dead weight.
K: They got rid of General Dead Weight? What about Colonel Sanders?
April 2009
28 posts
“The Mayor of Simpleton isn’t cruel, but just simple.”
– Barb
“I have to face the truth, that no one could ever look at me like you do …...”
– Death Cab
A textual conversation's turn for the worst
Kenny: Will I see you tomorrow?
Me: But of course!
Kenny: You have a place to crash?
Me: Yep, Ryan's place. I asked David if he wants a ride up so that might be fun.
Kenny: Aw how cute. Is your bro and his beau coming?
Me: Yes they are.
Kenny: Hell yeah! My nipples are hard with anticipation for tomorrows mayhem.
Me: Me too! Geesh tater - i was just trying to be cordial asking David. Always nice to have the company.
Kenny: You sure get smitten with my college buddies. But we are all awesome so its understandable.
Me: Just trying to get closer to you, tater farmer. I heard your farm is worth millions.
Kenny: You bitch! These taters are mine! Then they'll be my sons one day! You nothin but a high maintenance potato digga!
Me: Well you'll have to speak to my lawyer about that, you spuddy-son-of-a-bitch!
Sisterly love: A confession of sorts
I love my friend Amy. Not only because she reads my blog … (I kept writing mostly because I knew she was reading it).
Mrs. T rocks for the following reasons:
She’s always herself. Genuine to the bone.
She has many-a-interests. Therefore we have many-a-good discussion.
She’s super duper smart, but never condescending.
She gives good advice without being...
“Merlin, according to Arthurian legend, said humans are made of sun beams. ...”
– Dr. M
Observation: Portugal (and Europe in General)
Here are some observations I made while in Europe. I wrote them down throughout the trip on a small paper napkin.
(Okay, okay. I’m just kidding about the napkin thing. That would’ve been really artsy and cool though. Pretension: it’s the uninteresting man’s self-worth.)
1. Europe has the sustainable design thing in the bag. The entire region is eco-friendly in a variety...
Stealing is stupid.
So I discovered my camera was missing this morning while unpacking. Actually, an entire pocket of my checked baggage is empty. A bracelet, necklace, camera charger, the sunglasses I’m wearing in my picture, and … worse of all … my camera … is gone.
I talked to the Faro International Airport security. After 10 minutes attempting to understand Portuguese, I was transfered...